Before I Die

I want to

tell a stranger my life story!

meet Abdul kalam!

bake a cupcake!

have a pet dog and name it fluffy!

get drunk!

seethe sunset on Miami beach with myself for company!

go to Antarctica!

be a mother!

learn swimming!

ride a horse!

scream aloud on the cliff of grand canyon!

see Winter-the dolphin!

go to Nepal!

go to Santa Barbara, CA!

see a humming bird!

see bleeding hearts!

be lost in a forest!

P.s. Follow The Bucket List on twitter to get inspired to make a list of your own!

When some one says

"I have faith in you...you will do great."

it means so much to me!

tick tok

As the clock is ticking,
the uncertainty is approaching,
like a sharp dagger,
inches away from the eyes,
wanting to rip apart,
the eyes which refused,
to stop dreaming.

being an intl' student Vs. the road not taken

Since 10 months...

You will not find a job( in this field). You are an international student. ----->1

All you need is one job. Apply. Till you get one. You will.------->2

I have heard the first line, about a thousand or more times by now and the second line for once. And, I am sticking to the second one.........because that is what I want. I won't regret. 

Since 10 years...

You need to study Computer Science. It's easy to find a job.--->(a)

Do what you love.-->(b)

I have heard the (a) line for about a million times for now and still do. I have been telling myself the (b) line for a million+1 times and still do.... I did What I wanted. I have had no regrets. 

The majority of the people around me and the situations I had/have to face, have helped me realize, how much happy and brave I can be, in (at-least trying) pursuing my dreams. 

Thanks to all those, who think I am stupid & impractical. You only make me try harder until I succeed. And, all of those who've been supporting with +ve words, Thank you!!!

P.S. 

It is the same issues again, just the time, place and people have changed. I survived it once, I shall again.

Life is short, precious & sans-guarantee. I can not waste my time on doing things out of compromise, even for a single day.

*****

I love you mummy!

So last night, I realized that more things I have to do the next day, the more innovative-anti-sleep-techniques my mind uses on me. Stress! I know is a bad thing. And, I am doing my best (well not really) to laugh at the situations that actually are the mom&dad to my state of anxiety. Cause.....The way I see my life...I am always in a win-win situation. I should be doing more of this--> :)  and totally mean it, right!?

Well, thinking about it....We are all always in a win-win situation...good or bad be the outcome...an experience is an experience. A fulfilling life, is made up of experiences. Good or bad depends on our perspectives, right? (<---Oops, These are actually not my ideas but I guess this is so true. )


Cutting short the blah-blahs, last night, I woke up from my sleep to find myself staring at this picture, on my phone. It actually felt weird and it still does.

I realized how much I miss hugging mom and talking to her. Well, listening to her actually.

Forcing her to compliment my (failed) experimental cooking dishes.

Hearing her tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Her warm comforting hug.

My favorite dishes that only she can cook.

The way she forces me, to look at the moonrise/sunrise/sunset/the halo/the rainbow/the rain together, because she feels I shouldn't be missing the most incredible part of the nature for whatever reason.

And so on....

No matter how old we grow.......................Mom's are the best! Always comforting us, no matter how far they are.

ahh...I need a break

from 

Hypocrisy 

Random feelings

Sru: Are you not excited?
Me: no :(
Sru: ...but you were all excited to go to Columbus, a different and a new place, right?
Me: yes :/
Sru: and you also managed to stay all alone in Sandusky for so long!
Me: yes :/
Sru: Findlay is your place. You should be happy to be here, right!
Me: hmm
Me: I do not like Findlay. I knew that people in Sandusky and Columbus would treat me differently and I had no issues with it. But, I do not want to be treated differently in Findlay but they do, right? :(

PS: being an international student is not easy.

Sent from my iPhone

A tale of Stupidity

ONCE UPON A TIME POST

Not one of those me-she converstions again.

Tring Tring Tring  Tring

Me: (will he answer or will he not,will he or will he not.........)

Few more Tring Trings and finally

He: Hello..I've msgd you and you didn't reply,I've called you but...
Me: Hey listen..its imp. are you at home?
He: yes...?
Me: Can you PLEASE switch on the TV? Quickly?
He: yeah...is everything okay?
Me: tune into channel V..Quick..
He: oh..D2D...you wanted to tell me to watch it?
Me: NO....its gonna be over in 2 minutes and I have a power cut here and I am CURIOUS...

[ not hearing his voice anymore & wondering if he got hurt.......& blah blah...amazing is the way my mind can think of diff things, all at once]

Me: there??

(But only the sound from the tv was audible...)

Me: hey u just watch and tell me..u need not...

(he could hear me no more and I didn't care to speak again until the audible show was over)

Me: Thankyou, I was just so curious...do watch... its the funniest,stupidest,weirdest episode.

He: yeah!Funny,weird & stupid.

Me:  Who?

He: that show...
Me: blah blah and mora blah's
He: (replies to all the blah's patiently as always)

P.S.

Quote:"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."- Anon

1)Good to have GOOD friends. 
2)I am no reality show addict..i saw 2 episodes of Dare2Date till date and I would not suggest you to watch it unless you want to see how stupid the tv crew & the participants are.

HOPE-A story and a message.

ONCE UPON A TIME POST
The following is a story I wrote about 5+years ago for a story writing competion in my college. It didn't get selected for any prize. During that time I was really satisfied that I ever wrote this. But reading this now actually makes me eembarrassed. It surely could have been written better. I would love to have your suggestions on how I could improve my writing and make it more reader friendly :)

And yes...This story is based on a true life incident.
 ***************************************************************
                                             HOPE

My happiness knew no bounds, when one unexpected evening my long lost friend called me. It really came more as a shock to me rather than a surprise that my best childhood buddy should call me exactly after a span of eight years. I had a million of questions popping up in my mind instantly, when I heard her voice. Thanks to Orkut, it really helped me find my long lost friend.

We talked for hours together as we once again walked the past lanes of our lives, filled with sweet and bitter experiences we faced. Since we departed to take the journey of transformation of an ambitious high school girl to a matured, determined woman. I was filled with joy, when she invited me for the opening of her Rehabilitation Centre for the HIV effected, the next day in Hyderabad. But this left me in wonder, because I always knew that her only aim was to work in a good MNC which would fetch a good income and a very comfortable life. I knew she was never into social service kind of work and once again my mind was filled up only with questions and queries but I thought they could wait for a day and I hanged up wishing her all the best and promising to be present for the inauguration the next day.

The next day, I made it sure that I was available for my friend. The inauguration was a grand success and it was supposed to be so with all the meticulous planning that my friend did before hand. The Rehab Centre was a modern, comfortable four storied building with a hospital attached to it, capable of housing about 300 patients. I was happy for all the 124 HIV-Patients who were present there for the inauguration of their home – that had filled their unfortunate lives with a ray of hope. And to think that my child hood friend, whom I always knew as a talented, innocent and a pampered girl, who was the only daughter of her well settled rich parents was responsible for this left me in wonder.

It was not until late in the evening, that I had the opportunity to talk with her and clear all my doubts. The first thing I asked her was about her father, who was missing the ceremony. I could not find a reason, why he should be missing one of the greatest achievements of his daughter. At this point, the pain that I saw in her eyes made me realize that something was wrong, something terrible might have happened in the past eight years……..And it really broke my heart, as she slowly told me her misfortune.

‘She was in her 1st year of B. Tech. It was the evening her 1st year results were out, she was happy that she topped her college. She was sure that her dad was going to make it a big day for her, at this achievement of hers. She went into her dad’s room to tell him the good news. But she was sort of disappointed; when she found her dad congratulate her absent mindedly with a face void happiness. She was afraid if something was wrong with him. She wanted to talk to her father but he told her to leave him alone for sometime. Finding no other option, she left the room and spent the whole night wondering what might have gone wrong with him. She was sure the next morning was going to be better.

But the next morning, she found that it was going to be one of her worst days of life. Her father left their house that night to never come back and the only note he left behind was for her dear daughter telling to take care and wishing all the best of luck for her bright future. This sudden disappearance of her father left everyone in shock and despair.

Every friend of her father, every relative, every acquaintance was thoroughly asked, every place was searched in the vain hope of finding her father but no one could give a hint on his whereabouts. A week after his mysterious disappearance, a call from a hospital cleared a few doubts. The doctor of this so-called, one of the best hospitals in the city, called to tell this family in grief, about a mistake that happened in their hospital, exactly a week ago. It so happened that the medical reports of a HIV + patient was exchanged up with those of her dad by mistake and the hospital authorities were very sorry for this. But it was too late; her dad who believed that he was HIV + effected, was devastated and depressed. He left his wife and daughter for ever. Friends, relatives and the police continued to search for him for months, but he was found nowhere and whether he is alive or dead still remains a mystery’.

As she completed narrating this, I could find that my eyes were welled up with tears and sympathy for this unfortunate, grief stricken family. Now I knew why she started a Rehab Center for the HIV affected, she wanted to provide all the comfort to the unfortunate patients. She wanted to tell the world that being a HIV + does not mean that it is going to be the end. 

I found myself at a complete loss of words. Time and destiny has changed my happy go lucky buddy into a matured, caring and humble person. My friend was the one who broke the deafening silence between us, with a faint smile. Her words shall last in my memory for ever as refreshing as the first rain drops falling on a thirsty desert.

"I still hope that my dad is alive, if so he will surely come back to me, be happy for what I have done and if at all he is no more in this world, he shall be surely watching my every step, from the other world and be happy for what I am doing".

It was really the most unlucky thing to happen to a person, but I was happy that my friend carried on with her life in a way that would really make her father proud. I think this is what is called HOPE.

HOPE the only thing that can keep a person going on in life, what ever tragedy strikes him. I really wish and pray wholeheartedly that her campaign to spread the message that AIDS - MIGHT BE A LIFE-THREATENING DISEASE BUT SHOULD NOT BE A HOPE - THREATENING ONE, COULD REACH EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD.

Because it is this HOPE, that lights the candles instead of cursing the darkness.
***************************************************

Somebody's dear dad did leave his home forever cause he was scared he was HIV+.
The family underwent a great trauma befor they realized what really happened. 
It was found that a wrong diagnosis from an unauthentic source scared him to take this ghastly step.

He is alive or not still remains a mystery.

P.S Quote: There is Hope as long as there is life.

(I read this quote somehwere and it actually changed my whole perception on life.  Wondering how? I am going to tell that soon :) )

"Ignorance and prejudice are fuelling the spread of a preventable disease. World AIDS Day, 1 December is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV and AIDS.... It's up to you, me and us to stop the spread of HIV and end prejudice." ~worldaidsday.org, 2006

Edited on 9th dec 2009: Some dear-friends and readers, who read this story misunderstood that every part of the story is true. Yes, I do know a sweet- strong girl with whom destiny played the evil game and took her father far away from her. But there is no such REHAB center as said in the above story built anywhere in the world until now as much as I know.

The sources from which I,You,He or She can draw inspiration to accomplish good and great things is infinite.....INFINITE ......

And I whole heartedly wish and dream my stories could be on of those sources of inspiration, Atleast for me!

Together Forever

ONCE UPON A TIME POST            

Together Broken forever

It’s a pleasant morning,

But the emptiness in my heart makes me sick,

As I ….lay tossing around in my bed,
Looking into the eyes of the teddy you gave me,
I’m just wondering how it do be,
To look into your eyes and feel you close by.

I try to close my eyes,

To see a picture of you and me together,
But the picture seems to be broken,
And I’m scared if it’s gonna be this way forever.
Oh yeah…

I try to think of the good times,
We spent together hoping it do be that way forever,

But …the picture seems to be broken.
Oh yeah…

I try to listen to my iPod,

Hoping I could keep you off my mind.

But the song I hear reminds me of the time we spent together hoping it do be that way forever,
But …the picture seems to be broken.

I wanna listen no more, cause every song I hear reminds me of You&I …together,

Cause they are all your favorites that you sang for me,
Saying this is the we do be together forever.
Oh yeah…

I look around hoping I do find you close to me…

See they say miracles do happen but all you gotta do is believe no matter how hard it is.
So, I close my eyes to see a picture of you and me together,
But …the picture seems to be broken.
And I’m scared if it’s gonna be this way for ever.

Oh yeah…

I try to look at the newspaper lying in front of me,

Hoping I do keep you off my mind.
I start to read the first article that I see,

And I…realize, what I’m reading is the review of the new book of your favorite author…

It’s a story that’s says love is true and miracles do happen all you gotta do is believe no matter how hard it is.
Oh yeah…

So, I close my eyes to see a picture of you and me together again,

But the picture seems to be……..broken.

But….I wanna still believe love is true and miracles do happen…….
Oh yeah!

                                          **********

Indian Politics

ONCE UPON A TIME POST

That's How we Met! And this is Why I hate Politics.

A Special Thanks from the bottom of my heart to 

Ravi Teja: Your valuable information, suggestions and hours of patience while kindly answering all my stupid questions were cardinal to this article.

Kali: For not complaining about the takku-takku sound as I typed all the while as she slept last night.

                          Politics-Plots,rumors and drama

********************************************************

Ever wondered Why they say Politics is dirty?

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This post is 1,499 words long.

Politics and the ongoing issue of Separate state in Andhra Pradesh (AP) is all what everyone is talking about. Why not me? My opinion on this issue matters not. Politics isn't my cup of tea. Well even if it is...I yuck tea. But the plots and drama of Politics is so very AW-e-some, that I couldn't resist sharing this with every one of you.

So here goes the darker and mussy side of Indian Politics, Issue of separate states in AP and the perspective of a girl who still believes in the World being one big home to all the earthlets no matter what the boundaries say.

Note:The views said here are purely based on whatever I heard from sources I do trust and would dare not question. It’s up to you to believe them or not. If you find this offending or derogatory, I request you to correct me and not take this seriously.

The Crash

The representative of 77.7million (approx.) people dies in an air crash. His body is found after 24 hours.

Accident??  Or is it something else?

CM of a state travels in a plane not upto the mark, the weather forecast reports being ignored, the plane not being detected though it had a signal transmitter, and the dubious reports of the black box do suggest something more than an accident.

Who could that be? Rumors were and are it was somebody close to him. [Politics and Plots inseparable huh?!]

True so many love YSR. Why not? Most people who were genuinely poor or who either genuinely showed they were poor got scholarships, free health checkups & treatment , free education and all! It was easy money to some, it was money that truly saved some and made their lives. But the money that went into wrong hands is surmountable.

Aftermath

“I wanna be the CM”, “I deserve to be the CM”,” It’s my right to be the CM”, Yawped Jagan, YSR’s son. A few outburst from his supporters lasted for a few days.  The suspense on ‘Who is the next CM’ grew and died in a few days. Lady Luck (??) followed Rosaiah (considered a right hand to YSR) and he got the golden chance which he would have not even dared to dream.  Someday, "I will be the CM" grinned Jagan.

“Peace restored”, thought Sonia Gandhi. Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister of Inida….just reminding.

Now or Never

KCR-The leader of TRS( a party that profoundly wants Telangana as a separate state) who fights for the cause intermittently realizes it’s time once again to raise protests for not giving Telangana as a separate state, as was promised long ago by Sonia Gandhi herself. (Remember Manmohan Singh again…he deserves to be in our thoughts.)

KCR didn’t want to lose the opportunity for the good of all People of Telangan(?) as the govt. of AP being in a recovery mode with the death of YSR was prone to get weaker and yield to their demands(?)

I will Fast onto death, he said. And after a few days of excessive publicizing he is arrested on the day he said he do start his fast. What next wondered all the people of AP. Things sure were getting interesting, thanks to the numerous (14)regional news channels that exaggerate everything they think would give them a better rating.(Come on ! Don’t ever blame them, they gotta survive the tough times too and a bit of exaggeration is okay.)

And the News spread and KCR is profoundly supported by students (not everybody-NOT ME at least) of Osmania University of Hyderabad.

The Power shift

40 hours of fast(??) and KCR breaks his fast with a glass of juice and rumors say he got rich by 500 crores of rupees that day. Few of the students he succeeded to inspire and lure with the prospective of employment, found this unacceptable. See they just caught this fantasy to agitate for a different state from him and they did not want to see him back off. Few warned him, few didn’t care but now what all mattered to them was Telangana.  

The warnings and the agitation SCARED inspired KCR to continue his fast. Heard him say he drank the juice because they gave him sedatives in his saline.(lol) Rumors heard-KCR’s Son and son-in-law forced him to continue the fast.(Plots and Politics,inseperavle.Huh)

Here shifts the power from the politicians to the students. A few suicides and agitations in new innovative forms everyday for 10 days follow. Women, Children, Lawyers and people from different backgrounds from the region of Telangana support in unison for a separate state. Unrest, confusion, closure of all colleges in Telangana regions and disturbances follow. An awkward question of Do I belong to Andhra or Telangana regions arises in the minds of people like me and many.( I am an earthlet. Love has no boundaries, I keep telling myself.)

Victory

Yup! Student power wins. Sonia Gandhi Says okay! And Chidambaram announces the approval of the govt. to divide AP late night (reminds of the way India got independence). Most or Few (I have no idea) People of Telangana are happy with the news and celebrate.

The fun Rumor here-Chidambaram (I find him cute and looks intelligent, isn’t he?) wants to divide AP so that Tamil nadu remains the largest state in Southern part of Inida.

Reactions

Normalcy is restored to Telangana[?],the strikes and riots end. Plans for a separate state take the front seat in the minds of all the supporters of Telangana.

Now shifts the strikes and riot kinda situation to all other parts of AP.

 Rayalseema and Andhra the two other major regions of AP are perplexed. Some say lets divide AP to 4 states-Telangana,Rayalaseema,North Andhra and the Coastal Andhra.

Coastal Andhra wants a United Andhra Pradesh.

Rayalaseema wants to be declared as a state too or lets all be together is what it says.

North Andhra wants to be a different state too if the partition happens.

Telangana says it wants a free state and Hyderabad belongs to it.

Many MP’s and MLA’s irrespective of the party they belong to resign disappointed with the proposed bifurcation of Andhra Pradesh to form separate Telangana state. If the Congress loses its MLAs and MPs in this way, its gonnna lose it power in AP and majority at the central level.

The central govt. is just buying some time and may not actually separate AP.( ? )

What next?

If we divide?

# A metropolis city, no matter who developed it (ppl of Andhra or Telangana) is gonna be ruined.

# The IT industry will lose any hope of development (if any) if the partition happens.

# The Coastal Andhra region will have serious setbacks, as it would not be getting Coal and water and other resources from the other regions. (May be it will turn out to be another Telangana-deprived of opportunities to develop?)

# The real estate will have a blow and the consequences are scary enough.

# The partition will only initiate and attract more partitions to happen throughout India.

# More politicians will get the opportunity to show case their dirty plots and drama as they get richer and richer.

What if we don’t divide?

# The protests for Partition would continue and may only take a grosser form.

# The Telangana region may remain as it is neglected, hopeless and lost.

Best Solution?

# More sensible Leaders who understand the problem and who not only compose the solution but also execute it.(Especially Telangana region needs one.)

# Electing the right leaders and giving the power to those unselfish people(RARE-I Know) who truly work for the people.

# To let the things calm down and think of a peaceful solution.

My Priceless thoughts

# The region of Telangana was neglected and the solution doesn’t lie in dividing and making new issues out of an old issue.

# US OF A warned its citizens not to go to AP and the Americans here to not go to places near the assembly, Parliamnet, Ameerpet, etc. (Imagine the kinda of secured feelings we are giving them.)

# Patriotic movies (though there are few) should be often aired on our regional News Channel.

# If I were a Britisher, I would have been laughing whole heartedly.

# How does a child feel when her/his parents separate? I feel the same being born in Andhra region and brought up in Telangana region.

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Major Sources: NEWS Channels, Internet, Ravi Teja, Mommy dearest.

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P.S.

Who doesn't love rumors and Plots? I do. :~P


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Edited on 13/12/2009: If you find Politics or this issue still intriguing read the following post on updates about this issue. Lets see where all this is going to end. The word count has not been updated lol :P