The End of the World...

...is not today.

Damn. I feel betrayed. Was hoping today would be adventurous, ‘a day in Narnia’ kind of a day. But it's just one more of those days(well nights actually), where I am destined to have fun with the tick-tuck-took sounds of me typing on the keyboard and the tick-tock sounds of the clock, as I make up the words to clear my thoughts.

 I was actually kind of depressed with all the things that weren’t happening in my life. The last week has been super depressing. I have had hit that saturation point where the conflict between the part of me wanting to give up and the other part of me with that tiny spot in the heart glowing as bright as the north star saying ‘not yet’ was intense. And as in any battle, the one with more courage won. So, not giving up on Plan A is still the priority at this point. J

I also happened to check my email today and found a response-email for a job that I had applied a couple of weeks ago. My hopes for this job were quite higggghh but it ended up being one of the many hundreds of jobs I have had applied so far, with no positive end result/feedback. I am not very upset but just a tiny weenie bit disappointed that this was the job for which my qualifications were a perfect match and yet I was rejected. 

Never mind, I will be more generous in applying for jobs from now on. 

P.S. 

When everything that is held dear is lost, there comes an end to the fear of losing and a victory for a new beginning. 

Cheers to new beginnings and Happy birthday me(considering it's just a couple of hours away in Australia)!  J

Dreams & their significance

HELLO WORLD( <~~~read this in your robotic voice) ;-)

Fun things apart. I was not sure if I should be sharing this post with anybody or not, because this is something so very important to me. I feel that no matter how hard I might try, I can not make you understand this the way I do. But maybe I should give it a try ...and stop wondering if you might consider me crazy.

[First Draft]

Flying high:

This is one of my most favorite dreams, of all times. This was way back in early 2000's, but I do remember quiet a few details of this dream.

Kali and I were sitting beside one another on a bench/chair like thing that a very huge bird was carrying between it's claws. I do not remember how the bird looked but I remember feeling the huge wings of the bird flap beside us, as it flew, and I could feel the wind blowing against my skin. The most exciting part of this dream was me and Kali viewing the night scenery below us in awe. We were flying right above our home in vijayawada but we were actually staying in Hyderabad at that time. vijayawada was not even my favorite place and to dream about it randomly, felt so strange.

The way I felt in this dream was amazing. I always wondered if this is how I would feel flying in a plane. But I must say the way I felt in this dream was far more better than how I felt looking at clouds below me from a plane for the very first time(which is breathtaking)!

--> one more thing that makes this a special dream is that I saw a building being constructed a couple of blocks from our house in the dream. A couple of months later when I visited vijayawada, there was actually a newly constructed building exactly at the spot I saw in my dream.

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Plane attack

I was fast asleep with sru and Kali in our room, in Hyderabad. I was dreaming about a small plane actually an airplane the size of a helicopter throwing (hundreds of) stones/rocks about 8-10 inches big from above, on our house at vijayawada. I did not like this dream at all and remember being worried and wanting the dream to end and wake up.

Early in the morning, I wake up and hear dad telling sru in a very sad tone that a plane hit the twin towers and so on. I did not even knew where or what the twin towers were, at that time and wondered why dad was so upset. But I remember telling myself in my half awaken half asleep phase, 'hey didn't I just dream about a plane....' And then I slept again.

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Am I dying

Okay! This is one of my most hated dreams. This was just a couple of weeks before I was coming to USA, in 2010.

I was in my room with my cousin in Hyderabad. We were talking and talking and talking as we lay on our beds late in the night. I remember wanting to listen to her but not being able to stop myself from falling to sleep. I tried so hard to keep my eyes open but could not and I could still hear her talking to me. I felt so weak all of a sudden like never before and I started to feel scared given the fact that I was not able to open my eyes though I tried. I started feeling myself raising and weightless. I felt as if I was not in control of my body. I was trying very hard to tell my cousin to hold my hand tight because I did not wanted to go anywhere but I could not even move my lips. This lasted for a couple of minutes and I felt very scared through out wondering if I was actually dying and hoping my cousin will just hold my hand tighter and not let me go.

'You slept?', she told me when I asked her what happened. I told her I had a bad dream and held her hands tight as I fell asleep again feeling weak and asking her to keep talking to me.

The next morning, I told mommy that I had a nightmare. I explained her everything and told her I felt I was dying. She told me that I was just overworked and exhausted and it is common to dream of not being in control and all. I believe she was right but when I google searched some of he posts on out of the body experience felt similar to this experience of mine but I would rather believe my mom on this because I was actually quiet exhausted.


given the fact that I was very tired working hard in the day(on what I do not remember).
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To be continued...






Sent from my iPhone

From me to her

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Sometimes I wish the older me had the means to convey the younger me a few suggestions that could have made my life easier. Like the following :

The knowledge that not everybody is fair in this world and to expect them to be fair is unfair.

Some want to play by the rules and for some to not play by the rules is the only rule to be followed. 

Money is not everything but it sure is essential to make the right things happen.

If being in love with someone does not make you/him/her a better person, it is not love.

If you can not be happy with yourself, there is no way someone else can make you happy.

However good or bad the idea sounds, sleep on it before any hasty life-altering-decision is made. 

There are more than a billion hearts in this world praying any given moment to have a life like yours. Be thankful for what you have.

Hard-work and honesty may not give you outright results but they are worth incorporating in life. 

Whenever you feel like giving up, remember why you ever  thought it was a good idea. Maybe it is worth pursuing and just needs a bit more effort than you first thought. 

You can be your biggest critic but only if you are capable of appreciating yourself whenever you do something right.

You can be wrong and make mistakes but remember to make every effort to correct it and never make the same mistake twice.

Every lesson that life teaches you is a reason for you to believe that god loves you and wants you to have the most fulfilling life. 

As you grow old, you may not want to trust everybody or even forget to love unconditionally.....that doesn't make you a bad or evil person...don't blame yourself.

 It's okay to not be perfect. 

Sometimes you want to cry for no reason. It's okay to cry.

Some of the vital lessons in life can be learnt from others experiences. 

If you want to do something do it as long as it hurts none and is morally right.

You like it or not, you have to make a choice between two evils. 

Learn to Let go.

 Being Respected is more valuable than being loved.

Nothing breaks a heart like a broken promise does.

Falling in love with someone who isn't trustworthy or respects you, is impossible.

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Sent from my iPhone