This isn't right.

I have changed a lot over the past few years.

I believe I became wiser and more matured, which are all signs of growing up old and which I always wanted. So, I should be be happy about it. But the other night, I realized I am way less happier than I was a couple of years ago. Well, as we lose our innocence and face the harsh realities of the real-world, it is tough to be happy. So not a big deal, right?

But a bit of introspection and I realized, the reason I was happy a couple of years ago was 'myself' and not the world. Which means, the reason I am not happy now is because of me and not the world.

It's easy to blame the people and world around me for the situation I am in right now. But the truth is, I have the power to control and change whatever situation I am in. Giving up this power is easy and though  I do not want to accept it, I gave up this power. I am the only one to be blamed for my unhappiness.

I have let my problems take a bigger spot in my mind, instead of letting the other valuable aspects of my life.

I need to focus on doing what is more important for myself in the long run and things that really matter than make a big issue of the short term problems I am facing right now.

Telling myself, 'I am going to be OKAY', isn't helping much, so from today I am going to tell myself that ' I am OKAY', and motivate myself to do what I need to do.

PS: hmmmmmmmm

Whats up?!

Heyllo World! What’s up!

Here's a brief update on what's happening in the life of your awesome blogger (yay that's me)!

Still Jobless yet not Hopeless: Yup. I’m still applying for jobs. I’m still generously sending my resume to jobs that are being posted here and there. Apart from humbly taking the suggestions or guidance from anybody and everybody who is kindly willing to offer. But nothing I do seems to be sufficient, as I am no way close to where I should have been by now. I am trying hard to keep my spirits up. I shall be positive and keep trying and trying and trying till I succeed. 

New home and new Beginnings: Sissy and I did shift to our new house that we (well she) rented. I super like this house and plan to make 'home-sweet-home' memories in this house. But since home is where momma is, I hope, wish and pray mom, kali and dad will be here soon. Nevertheless, Sru and I are quite happy and excited to be in a house which also has a room (read garage) for Radha (read car). The most exciting thing about this house is that Sru or I need to be shoveling the snow in winter or mowing the grass later. Since we never had to do such chores before, we are finding these tasks to be fun so far.

Volunteering at a hospital: And hey, you know which hospital that would be right?! Well, I figured it that since I am basically jobless, I must be doing some good karma too, to pay off the debt of past. Though some debts can never be completely paid off...I hope to give back a tiny teeny bit of good karma to a place that basically gave me a second chance at life. I volunteered a couple of hours so far and I absolutely love it. I get to work with super sweet people, meet a wide variety & number of people every day and the nicest part of all this is to learn something new from each one of them every single day. 

Just Homesick or ?? : Other than being homesick and missing mom, dad & kali too very much, I have 'saudade' of the life I once used to know. I mean, exactly 2 years ago, what all I planned for the rest of my life to be like is no way similar to what I am living right now. Which is kind of scary...I mean...having planned every little detail meticulously since as long as I have known and then realizing nothing worked out the way it should have had...Kind of makes me question my own reliability, right??? But the fact is my life is not just controlled by me. There are a million other external variables to be considered too. Maybe growing old and wise teaches one to manipulate these external variables for one's benefit and not loss. Since I am obviously not as stupid or young as I was 2 years ago... I hope things will turn out better soon!!

P.S. One more blog (a formal one this time) in the making! :~) Good Luck to me!

being an intl' student Vs. the road not taken

Since 10 months...

You will not find a job( in this field). You are an international student. ----->1

All you need is one job. Apply. Till you get one. You will.------->2

I have heard the first line, about a thousand or more times by now and the second line for once. And, I am sticking to the second one.........because that is what I want. I won't regret. 

Since 10 years...

You need to study Computer Science. It's easy to find a job.--->(a)

Do what you love.-->(b)

I have heard the (a) line for about a million times for now and still do. I have been telling myself the (b) line for a million+1 times and still do.... I did What I wanted. I have had no regrets. 

The majority of the people around me and the situations I had/have to face, have helped me realize, how much happy and brave I can be, in (at-least trying) pursuing my dreams. 

Thanks to all those, who think I am stupid & impractical. You only make me try harder until I succeed. And, all of those who've been supporting with +ve words, Thank you!!!

P.S. 

It is the same issues again, just the time, place and people have changed. I survived it once, I shall again.

Life is short, precious & sans-guarantee. I can not waste my time on doing things out of compromise, even for a single day.

*****