The End of the World...

...is not today.

Damn. I feel betrayed. Was hoping today would be adventurous, ‘a day in Narnia’ kind of a day. But it's just one more of those days(well nights actually), where I am destined to have fun with the tick-tuck-took sounds of me typing on the keyboard and the tick-tock sounds of the clock, as I make up the words to clear my thoughts.

 I was actually kind of depressed with all the things that weren’t happening in my life. The last week has been super depressing. I have had hit that saturation point where the conflict between the part of me wanting to give up and the other part of me with that tiny spot in the heart glowing as bright as the north star saying ‘not yet’ was intense. And as in any battle, the one with more courage won. So, not giving up on Plan A is still the priority at this point. J

I also happened to check my email today and found a response-email for a job that I had applied a couple of weeks ago. My hopes for this job were quite higggghh but it ended up being one of the many hundreds of jobs I have had applied so far, with no positive end result/feedback. I am not very upset but just a tiny weenie bit disappointed that this was the job for which my qualifications were a perfect match and yet I was rejected. 

Never mind, I will be more generous in applying for jobs from now on. 

P.S. 

When everything that is held dear is lost, there comes an end to the fear of losing and a victory for a new beginning. 

Cheers to new beginnings and Happy birthday me(considering it's just a couple of hours away in Australia)!  J

Dreams & their significance

HELLO WORLD( <~~~read this in your robotic voice) ;-)

Fun things apart. I was not sure if I should be sharing this post with anybody or not, because this is something so very important to me. I feel that no matter how hard I might try, I can not make you understand this the way I do. But maybe I should give it a try ...and stop wondering if you might consider me crazy.

[First Draft]

Flying high:

This is one of my most favorite dreams, of all times. This was way back in early 2000's, but I do remember quiet a few details of this dream.

Kali and I were sitting beside one another on a bench/chair like thing that a very huge bird was carrying between it's claws. I do not remember how the bird looked but I remember feeling the huge wings of the bird flap beside us, as it flew, and I could feel the wind blowing against my skin. The most exciting part of this dream was me and Kali viewing the night scenery below us in awe. We were flying right above our home in vijayawada but we were actually staying in Hyderabad at that time. vijayawada was not even my favorite place and to dream about it randomly, felt so strange.

The way I felt in this dream was amazing. I always wondered if this is how I would feel flying in a plane. But I must say the way I felt in this dream was far more better than how I felt looking at clouds below me from a plane for the very first time(which is breathtaking)!

--> one more thing that makes this a special dream is that I saw a building being constructed a couple of blocks from our house in the dream. A couple of months later when I visited vijayawada, there was actually a newly constructed building exactly at the spot I saw in my dream.

*************************

Plane attack

I was fast asleep with sru and Kali in our room, in Hyderabad. I was dreaming about a small plane actually an airplane the size of a helicopter throwing (hundreds of) stones/rocks about 8-10 inches big from above, on our house at vijayawada. I did not like this dream at all and remember being worried and wanting the dream to end and wake up.

Early in the morning, I wake up and hear dad telling sru in a very sad tone that a plane hit the twin towers and so on. I did not even knew where or what the twin towers were, at that time and wondered why dad was so upset. But I remember telling myself in my half awaken half asleep phase, 'hey didn't I just dream about a plane....' And then I slept again.

**********************
Am I dying

Okay! This is one of my most hated dreams. This was just a couple of weeks before I was coming to USA, in 2010.

I was in my room with my cousin in Hyderabad. We were talking and talking and talking as we lay on our beds late in the night. I remember wanting to listen to her but not being able to stop myself from falling to sleep. I tried so hard to keep my eyes open but could not and I could still hear her talking to me. I felt so weak all of a sudden like never before and I started to feel scared given the fact that I was not able to open my eyes though I tried. I started feeling myself raising and weightless. I felt as if I was not in control of my body. I was trying very hard to tell my cousin to hold my hand tight because I did not wanted to go anywhere but I could not even move my lips. This lasted for a couple of minutes and I felt very scared through out wondering if I was actually dying and hoping my cousin will just hold my hand tighter and not let me go.

'You slept?', she told me when I asked her what happened. I told her I had a bad dream and held her hands tight as I fell asleep again feeling weak and asking her to keep talking to me.

The next morning, I told mommy that I had a nightmare. I explained her everything and told her I felt I was dying. She told me that I was just overworked and exhausted and it is common to dream of not being in control and all. I believe she was right but when I google searched some of he posts on out of the body experience felt similar to this experience of mine but I would rather believe my mom on this because I was actually quiet exhausted.


given the fact that I was very tired working hard in the day(on what I do not remember).
*******************

To be continued...






Sent from my iPhone

From me to her

*****

*****

Sometimes I wish the older me had the means to convey the younger me a few suggestions that could have made my life easier. Like the following :

The knowledge that not everybody is fair in this world and to expect them to be fair is unfair.

Some want to play by the rules and for some to not play by the rules is the only rule to be followed. 

Money is not everything but it sure is essential to make the right things happen.

If being in love with someone does not make you/him/her a better person, it is not love.

If you can not be happy with yourself, there is no way someone else can make you happy.

However good or bad the idea sounds, sleep on it before any hasty life-altering-decision is made. 

There are more than a billion hearts in this world praying any given moment to have a life like yours. Be thankful for what you have.

Hard-work and honesty may not give you outright results but they are worth incorporating in life. 

Whenever you feel like giving up, remember why you ever  thought it was a good idea. Maybe it is worth pursuing and just needs a bit more effort than you first thought. 

You can be your biggest critic but only if you are capable of appreciating yourself whenever you do something right.

You can be wrong and make mistakes but remember to make every effort to correct it and never make the same mistake twice.

Every lesson that life teaches you is a reason for you to believe that god loves you and wants you to have the most fulfilling life. 

As you grow old, you may not want to trust everybody or even forget to love unconditionally.....that doesn't make you a bad or evil person...don't blame yourself.

 It's okay to not be perfect. 

Sometimes you want to cry for no reason. It's okay to cry.

Some of the vital lessons in life can be learnt from others experiences. 

If you want to do something do it as long as it hurts none and is morally right.

You like it or not, you have to make a choice between two evils. 

Learn to Let go.

 Being Respected is more valuable than being loved.

Nothing breaks a heart like a broken promise does.

Falling in love with someone who isn't trustworthy or respects you, is impossible.

*****

*****

Sent from my iPhone

winning vs. losing vs. being successful

If you win, you get what you want.
If you are successful, you get what you need.
If you lose something, it creates the possibilty of gaining something you need/want or both.

Basically, there is nothing in life that is actually meant to beat you down unless you want it to. :D

I wish...

...I  am right.

There are always two ways to get things done. The easy way and the hard way. I was taught to do things the right way which is often not the easy way out. I may look stupid and over aimbitious right now....but someday I will look back at everthing I have choosen to do in life and not be dissappointed because it is going to lead me exactly to the spot I have wished for. 

Things that really matter: 2

Hey Blog!

Guess What?!! 

Dad's Report: As I promised, here goes the update on Dad's health checkup!! :)

It did come negative!!There is no malignant tumor but he might probably need to get a surgery done some time soon for a condition that is common to  men of his age(more on it in future vlog). Well, the fact that he might need a surgery and all is scaring. But I am super glad it's not life threatening. The word biopsy itself has been giving me mini heart attacks, each time I thought about it for the last one week. But for now, I can relax and hope-wish-pray that everything will be fine and that I could be there for him to make sure he gets the best care possible.

School Work: Still working on my paper!! :)

So the paper I have been working on all these months, is not what exactly what my prof. thinks is okay. He wanted me to get more statistics so as to analyze and write up more interesting stuff. The approach I took to write the paper and the one he thinks I should are extremely different. And needless to say, I am so in love with whatever he is making me do! It is like that little push to the limit and showing someone that they are worth more than they ever thought they were! 

Today, I was wondering may be this is also the reason why God doesn't give me what I ask him for. May be just like my Prof, he thinks I deserve more and is making sure that I do enough so that he could give me what I exactly deserve and nothing less. 

Break up in a Retrospect: Sometimes, there is a greater gain in losing! :)

I have been thinking of how things could have worked out but did not with Teja. It's been like almost a year and a half since it was all over, well at least for one of us. Though I made so much fuss and post break up drama and all, I now feel that 'losing him in my life' was the best thing to ever happen.  Not that I no longer consider him to be the most smartest/nicest/greatest/coolest/affectionate friend and a bf. But, the situations we both had to face and the lessons we in turn had to learn resulting in we both no longer being the same people we once were...moving on was probably the best decision ever. Being happy alone is always better than being unhappy together, right?? More than his love for me his indifference towards me brought the best out in me and I will always be grateful for his bitter-sweet role in my life.

Job: I need one. I want one. Blah blah and blah. :( But I shall be +ve cause I know I am going to get what I deserve sooner or later! :)

When I write something: I mean every single word of it. I do not and cannot make up my feelings.  :)

So when, someone tells me I write good/whatever and that they want me to write something so that they could use for something ...I just can't do that. I believe, you, me and each one of us.....can truly & honestly express in writing if we are willing to get over the inhibitions of what he/she/they might think. And, when you can be honest in your expression of your thoughts...it's quite liberating and relaxing.

Probably that's the very reason blogging means so much to me! 

<3 

Archana

Things that really matter...

Heyllo Blog! What's up!?
Long due since we had a one on one chat and here it is.... :)

As you know, life is at that point of bitter-sweet phase, making it impossible for me to decide whether I should be happy/sad.

Talking about School,  things are going not so great. I did submit my final draft capstone project. Yup! The one I need to submit, to be done with my masters course. But :( my prof. said I would have to get some more statistical data to make it stronger as it was not.  He did suggest me some ideas on what I could do. I am working on it now adn I hope I can gather the information needed before I meet him next tuseday. With fingers crossed, all I can now hope is, it will all be done as early as possible because I so want to be done with my masters.

Talking about Career plans, there really seems nothing positive in store for me. :( Maybe, it's the ecoomy or maybe it has something to do with me being on F1 visa. Whatever it is, I feel terribly sad that the field I am so in love with does not have the same for me. Well, not that I am the best EHS professional avialable on the plant in the...but asking for an oppurtunity to give my best is not too much, right?? But, lets stay positive and hope the best,wishing for a miracle to happen in a week if not, I will be offically unemployed.

Talking about home, I am very apprehensive about dad's health check up and futher biopsy tests being done and stuff. Though, I am 200% positve that everything is going to be normal, I feel like a mini heart attack occuring in my tiny weenie heart each time I thhink about it. A day or two the results will be out and I am waiting for the moment I can say out aloud with a sigh that, 'I knew it was going to be normal.' And also seeing some one who deserves the best of the best dealing with a worst of the worst situation is not fun either. Again, lets hope for the best and believe god has GOOD and only GOOD in store for good people!

Talking about staying in Findlay, it's fun and not so fun. Feel's stange that I'm staying in findlay exactly during this time of the month and year, which marks exaclty a year since Mukesh's death and the life changing consequences I went through. Do I miss him? Yes I do.More so, especially when I realize how few are the people around me, who are passioante and devoted to their dreams & life. To know that one of those rare personalities, who I would have loved to call my best friend is'nt around, iss  :(.

As strange as it may sound, coincidently I happend to go to the Sunday service today for the first time in USA. I had been planning to go since a long time but it never materialzed until today. Whole time during the service, I was thinking about Mukesh and dare I say felt his presence sometimes.(yeah..too much of watching Long isalnd medium or may be just feeling the +ve energy sent by our loved ones from up above as I would belive). Well, whatever it was, I miss him...and feel sad that someone like him had so less time in a world which needed more people like him. Anyways, later in the evening, I realized that today marked the 1 year anniversary since Mukesh's funeral service was held.

Exaclty a year ago, I was working hard so that I could do what could be done for him to be in pecace and now I am all focused on myself and on sorting out my own problems. But I know I am not alone, dealing with any of my issues...the support and love I am getting from people(here and up above) who truly care for me ...it helps me to keep going.

I hope the next time I blog, I will have a ton of good news to share with you, dear bloggie!

Love you,
Archana

Thank you China!

Dear workers, 

Most people complain of cheap labor and all. But I think you guys are amazing; hard working and super skilled. Thanks for all the hours you put in to make beautiful things affordable to most of us around the world.

 P.S.

I only wish for the economy of the whole world to improve, in such a way that talent and hardwork is never gone unappreciated/underpaid.

Is it really that hard for us to implement a plan/whatever to improve the world economy and preserve earth's resources at once?? Don't we belong to the planet that dreams big and makes it a reality too!?

The only reason I would not support buying china made products is because of the way the workers are exploited which is outrageous. If you want to know more about this, click here-->Inside China's Slave Labor Toy Factories

Maybe this christmas, every child who gets a gift made in China will also be taught to value and appreciate hardwork.

late night thoughts...

I want to complain, that life sucks and is mean but I know people who have been treated much worse and unfair by it and yet still embrace it wholeheartedly. Kali being one such person. 

sometimes you need to put on a strong face, though the world you have built in your dreams is shattering into a thousand pieces....b'cause the braveness in your attitude is going to inspire the people around you and in turn inspire you to believe 'everything is going to be okay'.

Put on a bold face...face the world...

If you offer, the best of yourself to  the world, the world in turn offers the best of itself.

I believe that when god sent us  all to have a life, here in the world. He promised, we shall have a life full of experiences with peace and happiness being the ultimate destination. Now, asking for the journey to be happy and peaceful all along, is asking too much. Right?

I am not scared of what might happen if I do not get a job. I am scared of what all might not happen if I don't get one. :(

See? I am not scared of facing disappointments. I am scared of ending up somewhere I did not plan to and them saying..'you took the road less travelled. What else do you expect?'. 

 maybe.....god is letting me go through all this because he believes I am strong enough to face it and still be happy...maybe he just wants me to prove to people in a situation like me that ..'you haven't lost until you have given up'.

 Is A year and a half, enough time to get over some one you planned to spend the rest of your life with ? Or is it a long-long-long time to be wasted in thinking about someone who did not give a damn about you being dead or alive? 

why worry as if my worries are eternal? When any-day could be my last one. 

Ps: it all started with a single thought

Sent from my iPhone

A boat, a hole, an ocean, a life, a society,some friends and a story

This is a true complicated story told in a simple way to protect the privacy of everyone involved. ;-)

Once upon a time and a not very long ago, there lived a 'person' in the island called 'world'. The person was happy, independent, strong who made a tiny weenie spot as a home in the world and called it 'life'.

Everything was going perfect, until the person's Neighbors known as 'society' came knocking at the door and told the person, that the person should go explore the ocean in a boat because that is what everyone normally does. The person thought, 'hey! They are right. Maybe I should go explore the ocean.'

The person went in search of a boat to buy and explore the ocean. The society for some reason started pushing the person, saying the person was being too picky and taking a long time to choose instead of choosing whatever the boat was available. The person was confused, clueless and lost. The person tried as long as possible and when could no longer fight the pressure of the society, finally gave in and chose a boat....with many holes in it. The person's 'friends' suggested 'to wait and think over again and again, if that was really the right choice because it is a big one'.The person fixed the holes, hoping it could all work out normal. The society was happy and bade goodbye to the person and the boat as they left to explore the ocean.

The person did not sail very far from the shore, when the boat started filling with water as the boat had more hidden holes. The person was shocked and asked the boat...why it did not tell about the hidden holes. The boat protested saying, 'it doesn't matter!!! We are in the ocean now. This is what the society wants. You knew about the holes too. Let's just explore the ocean, ignore the holes.' The person was shocked and started debating with self, 'it was my choice. So ...Should I stay in the boat Or quit ? Should I stay? Or quit?'.


The society said, 'you can't quit. No boat is perfect. You may not be happy with the choice but that's how its always been. You can't quit.'

The friends said, ' you tried your best to fix it and you couldn't. You can't blame yourself anymore. Do what's best for you. Either Quit the trip now and come back to the shore when you can still walk In the shallow waters or carry out the exploration with the boat already filled with water hoping it's not an issue and may be get drowned in the middle of ocean in the worst case which is most probable to happen.
Whatever the decision, we will not mock at you if you come back to the shore for failing to carry out the exploration nor laugh at you if you get drowned in the middle of the ocean but only be there to support you and see you happy, strong and independent as always.

The person still is thinking whether the society is right or are the friends right?

I know my answer....what would yours be??


Sent from my iPhone

Chasing dreams

...And then the bird broke the cage with great difficulty but in the process hurt her wings.....and limped away towards freedom. 

Some said she was better off in the cage...but she knew she was one step closer to fly again in the open sky, sooner or later.

Sent from my iPhone

Shall I or shall I not give up??

Sometimes I wonder if I am lying to myself or trying to be confident by telling myself that 'everything is going to be okay'. 

Every choice I had to make so far in life has never been easy. I always went against the tide and took the road less travelled. I rarely complained if ever of the consequences I had to face due to my stubborn decisions. I have always been clear of what I want and what I do not. I never minded going through any kind of hardship in pursuit of my goals. Every hardship was just a kind reminder that I am giving my best shot if anything else and a reason to put a smile on my face for not giving up. Because I believe there is some kind of achievement in not giving up. 

But few-times like now, I wonder if I was wrong. Maybe the world doesn't need people like me who are passionate or want to give their best in everything they do. Maybe it just needs ; people who are unhappy, doing things they never wanted to, living lives of someone else's dream and believing that is all to life. 

So far, I have not been disappointed in life with anything. Well, there have been a few instances in which I wish I had dealt in a more matured way but again that was my life's way of teaching me the lessons I needed. With few regrets and great difficulty I have learnt to embrace the past and present. But thinking about the future and the uncertainty it comes with, I wonder if I have to take the easy way out and stop pushing myself to the edge. 

Maybe I should quit being strong and accept that there is a threshold limit to everything and accept whatever the world offers me. Right???

Or maybe not. 

Taking the easy way out and finding excuses and blaming someone else is EASY. And nobody ever becomes a WINNER by taking the easy way out and settling for something less than what they have aimed for. 

I would rather keep this fight going to make my dreams come true rather than giving up now and never knowing if they might have all been fulfilled only if I had tried a bit harder.

P.S.  Each and everyone in a battlefield is a winner. You kill someone or get killed, you are a winner. Because it is courage to not give up and believe in ones dreams that makes one a winner. 

Maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is just a few steps away. And till then I shall use my flash light and you be sure to provide it with batteries! ;) 

Sent from my iPhone

You do not know me enough!

Sru: I was (spying/)looking at your Fb updates and did not relaize you have been tweeting without my knowledge all these days.
Me: HEHEHEHE.
Sru: Sometimes, I can't belive you make up such words/phrases or just copy.
Me: (offended)^_^ I take plagiarism seriously.
Sru: (not convinced) Are they really your words?
Me: ^_^ Ofcourse not. I haven't coined a single word in the dictionary.No word belongs to me. I always copy.

And this conversation today with Sru reminds me of the one I had with Paddu a long time ago.

The day after I shared my blog link with Paddu, she told me that she never thought I could write stories and that she was impressed.

Now that's like giving a compliment and yet not making it sound like one.

The lovely people in my life are weird ... lovely just like me!

Love them a ton!

Live your life.

You either need something or you do not.

You either want something or you do not.

There is abosuletly no inbetween.

There is always a F* choice in life Do not findexcuses or beg for sympathy.

Remember you are not perfect. And that is the most important aspect that connects each one of us. Do not F* try to isloate your self. 

I pretend to repsect your beliefs sometimes, no matter how F* stupid they seem because arguing is not the easy way out to make you Shut up quicker. 

You do what they tell you or you do not. No matter what, none of them is going to appreciate you. So why not F* live by what you think is right.

You do not have to be some one like mother theresa to make this world a better place but just do not be someone like Hitler propagating your stupid beliefs. 

P.s. By F* I meant this-->click here.

Job-less

Here are some Job-less conversations ;~)

Dad: Don't be disappointed that you are not getting a positive response in your job applications.
Me: Yup. I know. I shall not feel sorry for not being able to find that one employer, lucky enough to hire me...
Dad: :-O
Me: :~D
.
.
.
.
.
Sru: Shut Up. You are probably not applying properly.
Me: Yes! I am.
. . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . .
Me: (With a seriously bruised ego) Here look! This is how I apply  through LinkedIn.
Sru: These sentences are too long and blah blah .....
Me: :~/ Nope they are fine. {silently making quick corrections ;)}
Sru: And why do you have a picture here?
Me: It makes it easier ...you know.... for them to hire ...knowing my skin color before hand :~D
Sru: (gives a how can she be so crazy look)  :~/
Me: Shall I upload a new picture?
Sru: something professional. :~|
Me: How about this?
Sru: No
Me: This?
Sru: No
...........and a couple of  100 of this's and No's continues........

.
.
.
.
.
Sru: Have you applied to each of the State board?
Me: NO.
Sru: Why?
Me: It takes a lot of time.
Sru: SU and apply....Start with Alaska.
Me: [:~( :~) ] Okay.
.
.
.
.
.
Sru: Mom! Kavya will send you something....check it.
Mom: Is it her RESUME?
Me: Is it a joke? Is that all I  have ? A resume...

.
.
.
.
.

******

I now have a new ambition.....Which is to either get a 'we are pleased to hire you' call or a 1000 'we are sorry ...we cannot hire you' emails.......Either one of them is going to be true by the end of October :~D

Finding fun ways to go through the not so funny phase of life.

.........................................................................................................and the list goes on. :)

*******

The first time of everything: baking a cupcake!

Now there is one thing that is off my bucket list! :-) I baked a cupcake finally! It did not turn out too good or too bad but that is okay for first time.

may seem like everyone around you is

Sent from my iPhone

STOP BULLYING

Since you would be curious to know my, 'I got bullied' story, here it goes....

A picture of cycle rickshaw. (I owe no rights on this pic.)

I was in my second grade.  Every afternoon, I would go home in a cycle rickshaw. There were a couple of other kids who would ride along with me.   Among them, there was a boy who was  quite taller than me,hefty and demon-ish, his rather lean and mean sister and I, the cute-short-silent kid ;). We were made to wait in the rickshaw which was parked just beside a very steep slope, until the rickshaw-uncle (In India, anyone the age of your dad automatically becomes your uncle) crosses the street with heavy traffic, to get back some more kids from the school. During this 15-20 minutes of wait, myself,  this boy who was studying 2 or 3 grades higher than me and his sister a year younger than him, were left all by our self. 

These 15-20 minutes were plain torture if anything else, every single day I went to school. This boy and his sister never liked me, for some reason. They found ultimate pleasure in hurting me and belittling me. Every afternoon, this boy would threaten me and scare me to death saying that he would push the rickshaw off the slope. He would even get down the rickshaw and push the cart, as his sister gave a approving laugh. Sometimes, even hurting me physically. The more I requested him to stop doing what he was, the more he did.  I never told this at home nor to the rickshaw uncle.

For some reason,  I thought nobody would help me and that sharing this story would only embarrass me and further weaken me. I kept mum and suffered alone. Being silent and pretending to ignore, were the only two options I thought I had at that time.

 I was the happiest, when my dad got transferred to a different state and myself to a different school after a year of hell. 

Since then, I kept myself safe by being at a safe distance from anything negative. As the need to be away from anything aggressive or unkind was since then not a want but a necessity. 
This whole experience taught me to chose the situations I want to be in and the people I wanted to be in my life. I just could not let anybody else hurt me like that boy & girl did.

 Later on, few more harsh lessons from life and I realized that ignoring a problem is never a solution. You just need to stand against what you think isn't right. 

Nobody told that 7 year old that 'you SHOULD ask for help when you can not handle'. But the 24 year old me knows that 'asking for help when in need and helping somebody in need, is a personal and social responsibility respectively, for any human'. 

P.S. 


Bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. To get more info on bullying click on the link here---> Stop bullying

Let's talk more about bullying<----Click here

Show your support against Bullying. Click here--->to sign a digital petition.

Before I Die

I want to

tell a stranger my life story!

meet Abdul kalam!

bake a cupcake!

have a pet dog and name it fluffy!

get drunk!

seethe sunset on Miami beach with myself for company!

go to Antarctica!

be a mother!

learn swimming!

ride a horse!

scream aloud on the cliff of grand canyon!

see Winter-the dolphin!

go to Nepal!

go to Santa Barbara, CA!

see a humming bird!

see bleeding hearts!

be lost in a forest!

P.s. Follow The Bucket List on twitter to get inspired to make a list of your own!

When some one says

"I have faith in you...you will do great."

it means so much to me!

tick tok

As the clock is ticking,
the uncertainty is approaching,
like a sharp dagger,
inches away from the eyes,
wanting to rip apart,
the eyes which refused,
to stop dreaming.

being an intl' student Vs. the road not taken

Since 10 months...

You will not find a job( in this field). You are an international student. ----->1

All you need is one job. Apply. Till you get one. You will.------->2

I have heard the first line, about a thousand or more times by now and the second line for once. And, I am sticking to the second one.........because that is what I want. I won't regret. 

Since 10 years...

You need to study Computer Science. It's easy to find a job.--->(a)

Do what you love.-->(b)

I have heard the (a) line for about a million times for now and still do. I have been telling myself the (b) line for a million+1 times and still do.... I did What I wanted. I have had no regrets. 

The majority of the people around me and the situations I had/have to face, have helped me realize, how much happy and brave I can be, in (at-least trying) pursuing my dreams. 

Thanks to all those, who think I am stupid & impractical. You only make me try harder until I succeed. And, all of those who've been supporting with +ve words, Thank you!!!

P.S. 

It is the same issues again, just the time, place and people have changed. I survived it once, I shall again.

Life is short, precious & sans-guarantee. I can not waste my time on doing things out of compromise, even for a single day.

*****

I love you mummy!

So last night, I realized that more things I have to do the next day, the more innovative-anti-sleep-techniques my mind uses on me. Stress! I know is a bad thing. And, I am doing my best (well not really) to laugh at the situations that actually are the mom&dad to my state of anxiety. Cause.....The way I see my life...I am always in a win-win situation. I should be doing more of this--> :)  and totally mean it, right!?

Well, thinking about it....We are all always in a win-win situation...good or bad be the outcome...an experience is an experience. A fulfilling life, is made up of experiences. Good or bad depends on our perspectives, right? (<---Oops, These are actually not my ideas but I guess this is so true. )


Cutting short the blah-blahs, last night, I woke up from my sleep to find myself staring at this picture, on my phone. It actually felt weird and it still does.

I realized how much I miss hugging mom and talking to her. Well, listening to her actually.

Forcing her to compliment my (failed) experimental cooking dishes.

Hearing her tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Her warm comforting hug.

My favorite dishes that only she can cook.

The way she forces me, to look at the moonrise/sunrise/sunset/the halo/the rainbow/the rain together, because she feels I shouldn't be missing the most incredible part of the nature for whatever reason.

And so on....

No matter how old we grow.......................Mom's are the best! Always comforting us, no matter how far they are.

ahh...I need a break

from 

Hypocrisy 

Random feelings

Sru: Are you not excited?
Me: no :(
Sru: ...but you were all excited to go to Columbus, a different and a new place, right?
Me: yes :/
Sru: and you also managed to stay all alone in Sandusky for so long!
Me: yes :/
Sru: Findlay is your place. You should be happy to be here, right!
Me: hmm
Me: I do not like Findlay. I knew that people in Sandusky and Columbus would treat me differently and I had no issues with it. But, I do not want to be treated differently in Findlay but they do, right? :(

PS: being an international student is not easy.

Sent from my iPhone

A tale of Stupidity

ONCE UPON A TIME POST

Not one of those me-she converstions again.

Tring Tring Tring  Tring

Me: (will he answer or will he not,will he or will he not.........)

Few more Tring Trings and finally

He: Hello..I've msgd you and you didn't reply,I've called you but...
Me: Hey listen..its imp. are you at home?
He: yes...?
Me: Can you PLEASE switch on the TV? Quickly?
He: yeah...is everything okay?
Me: tune into channel V..Quick..
He: oh..D2D...you wanted to tell me to watch it?
Me: NO....its gonna be over in 2 minutes and I have a power cut here and I am CURIOUS...

[ not hearing his voice anymore & wondering if he got hurt.......& blah blah...amazing is the way my mind can think of diff things, all at once]

Me: there??

(But only the sound from the tv was audible...)

Me: hey u just watch and tell me..u need not...

(he could hear me no more and I didn't care to speak again until the audible show was over)

Me: Thankyou, I was just so curious...do watch... its the funniest,stupidest,weirdest episode.

He: yeah!Funny,weird & stupid.

Me:  Who?

He: that show...
Me: blah blah and mora blah's
He: (replies to all the blah's patiently as always)

P.S.

Quote:"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."- Anon

1)Good to have GOOD friends. 
2)I am no reality show addict..i saw 2 episodes of Dare2Date till date and I would not suggest you to watch it unless you want to see how stupid the tv crew & the participants are.

HOPE-A story and a message.

ONCE UPON A TIME POST
The following is a story I wrote about 5+years ago for a story writing competion in my college. It didn't get selected for any prize. During that time I was really satisfied that I ever wrote this. But reading this now actually makes me eembarrassed. It surely could have been written better. I would love to have your suggestions on how I could improve my writing and make it more reader friendly :)

And yes...This story is based on a true life incident.
 ***************************************************************
                                             HOPE

My happiness knew no bounds, when one unexpected evening my long lost friend called me. It really came more as a shock to me rather than a surprise that my best childhood buddy should call me exactly after a span of eight years. I had a million of questions popping up in my mind instantly, when I heard her voice. Thanks to Orkut, it really helped me find my long lost friend.

We talked for hours together as we once again walked the past lanes of our lives, filled with sweet and bitter experiences we faced. Since we departed to take the journey of transformation of an ambitious high school girl to a matured, determined woman. I was filled with joy, when she invited me for the opening of her Rehabilitation Centre for the HIV effected, the next day in Hyderabad. But this left me in wonder, because I always knew that her only aim was to work in a good MNC which would fetch a good income and a very comfortable life. I knew she was never into social service kind of work and once again my mind was filled up only with questions and queries but I thought they could wait for a day and I hanged up wishing her all the best and promising to be present for the inauguration the next day.

The next day, I made it sure that I was available for my friend. The inauguration was a grand success and it was supposed to be so with all the meticulous planning that my friend did before hand. The Rehab Centre was a modern, comfortable four storied building with a hospital attached to it, capable of housing about 300 patients. I was happy for all the 124 HIV-Patients who were present there for the inauguration of their home – that had filled their unfortunate lives with a ray of hope. And to think that my child hood friend, whom I always knew as a talented, innocent and a pampered girl, who was the only daughter of her well settled rich parents was responsible for this left me in wonder.

It was not until late in the evening, that I had the opportunity to talk with her and clear all my doubts. The first thing I asked her was about her father, who was missing the ceremony. I could not find a reason, why he should be missing one of the greatest achievements of his daughter. At this point, the pain that I saw in her eyes made me realize that something was wrong, something terrible might have happened in the past eight years……..And it really broke my heart, as she slowly told me her misfortune.

‘She was in her 1st year of B. Tech. It was the evening her 1st year results were out, she was happy that she topped her college. She was sure that her dad was going to make it a big day for her, at this achievement of hers. She went into her dad’s room to tell him the good news. But she was sort of disappointed; when she found her dad congratulate her absent mindedly with a face void happiness. She was afraid if something was wrong with him. She wanted to talk to her father but he told her to leave him alone for sometime. Finding no other option, she left the room and spent the whole night wondering what might have gone wrong with him. She was sure the next morning was going to be better.

But the next morning, she found that it was going to be one of her worst days of life. Her father left their house that night to never come back and the only note he left behind was for her dear daughter telling to take care and wishing all the best of luck for her bright future. This sudden disappearance of her father left everyone in shock and despair.

Every friend of her father, every relative, every acquaintance was thoroughly asked, every place was searched in the vain hope of finding her father but no one could give a hint on his whereabouts. A week after his mysterious disappearance, a call from a hospital cleared a few doubts. The doctor of this so-called, one of the best hospitals in the city, called to tell this family in grief, about a mistake that happened in their hospital, exactly a week ago. It so happened that the medical reports of a HIV + patient was exchanged up with those of her dad by mistake and the hospital authorities were very sorry for this. But it was too late; her dad who believed that he was HIV + effected, was devastated and depressed. He left his wife and daughter for ever. Friends, relatives and the police continued to search for him for months, but he was found nowhere and whether he is alive or dead still remains a mystery’.

As she completed narrating this, I could find that my eyes were welled up with tears and sympathy for this unfortunate, grief stricken family. Now I knew why she started a Rehab Center for the HIV affected, she wanted to provide all the comfort to the unfortunate patients. She wanted to tell the world that being a HIV + does not mean that it is going to be the end. 

I found myself at a complete loss of words. Time and destiny has changed my happy go lucky buddy into a matured, caring and humble person. My friend was the one who broke the deafening silence between us, with a faint smile. Her words shall last in my memory for ever as refreshing as the first rain drops falling on a thirsty desert.

"I still hope that my dad is alive, if so he will surely come back to me, be happy for what I have done and if at all he is no more in this world, he shall be surely watching my every step, from the other world and be happy for what I am doing".

It was really the most unlucky thing to happen to a person, but I was happy that my friend carried on with her life in a way that would really make her father proud. I think this is what is called HOPE.

HOPE the only thing that can keep a person going on in life, what ever tragedy strikes him. I really wish and pray wholeheartedly that her campaign to spread the message that AIDS - MIGHT BE A LIFE-THREATENING DISEASE BUT SHOULD NOT BE A HOPE - THREATENING ONE, COULD REACH EVERY PERSON IN THIS WORLD.

Because it is this HOPE, that lights the candles instead of cursing the darkness.
***************************************************

Somebody's dear dad did leave his home forever cause he was scared he was HIV+.
The family underwent a great trauma befor they realized what really happened. 
It was found that a wrong diagnosis from an unauthentic source scared him to take this ghastly step.

He is alive or not still remains a mystery.

P.S Quote: There is Hope as long as there is life.

(I read this quote somehwere and it actually changed my whole perception on life.  Wondering how? I am going to tell that soon :) )

"Ignorance and prejudice are fuelling the spread of a preventable disease. World AIDS Day, 1 December is an opportunity for people worldwide to unite in the fight against HIV and AIDS.... It's up to you, me and us to stop the spread of HIV and end prejudice." ~worldaidsday.org, 2006

Edited on 9th dec 2009: Some dear-friends and readers, who read this story misunderstood that every part of the story is true. Yes, I do know a sweet- strong girl with whom destiny played the evil game and took her father far away from her. But there is no such REHAB center as said in the above story built anywhere in the world until now as much as I know.

The sources from which I,You,He or She can draw inspiration to accomplish good and great things is infinite.....INFINITE ......

And I whole heartedly wish and dream my stories could be on of those sources of inspiration, Atleast for me!