hopeless dreamer, cheesy one liners and other things

*****

If you have already read my previous post, 'mornings and mournings' you might have guessed by now that I was not selected in the interview I attended a couple of weeks ago. I did feel disappointed, but frankly the disappointment did not last as long as I thought it would. I actually gave my best in the interview and maybe that's the reason I do not feel sad for not being selected. If I had not given my best, then the guilty feeling of,'I could have done better but I did not' would have haunted me for a longer time. Well, whatever.....the bottom line is: I am back to square one...left with a blank paper....to start over ...and I am absolutely tired of this wild goose chase. 
But life taught me first hand that persistence wins, sooner or later. Actually, Bryan did. His so called 'boot camp', prepared me for more than what he imagined I guess. Now, I just feel too stubborn to give up on a dream. If I was not me, and I was a third person looking at my own life...I would never suggest to give up trying. So, I need to follow the same advice for myself, isn't it? 
Anyways, there is no way I will give up trying, when I know deep in my heart that I would only regret for doing so in the future. I just need to pursue this wild goose chase with hopes that every dream comes true, if one tries hard enough. 

*****

Doodlebook app that I downloaded for free in my Iphone has been my new addiction these days. Not that I am a good artist or anything....but somehow doodling seems to be relaxing. I drew the following doodle yesterday. It is supposed to be a rat flirting with cheese. But there can be various versions to this little stupid doodle, like:

A fish like you is every fisherman's dream.
A ham like you is every hamburger's dream.
A house like you is every homeless person's dream.
A job like you is every unemployed person's dream.
A colour like you is every colour pencil's dream.
blah blah....not that funny right....But a Cheesy one liner it is...since it's literally based on cheese. ;~)

*****

I need to do laundry. The interesting thing about doing laundry is absolutely NOTHING. Nothing in the world depresses me more than the task of doing laundry. :~( Also, it's been more than 24 hours since I slept....So having to do laundry when I am actually feeling like a ZOMBIE....ha.....life's little unwanted pains pleasures.
But seriously, if god grants me a wish and asks me to choose between a) A dress that turns into a new dress each time I wash or b) A dress that remains the same and fresh through out my life time, without wahsing...my choice would be b b b b b b and only b. 

                                                                             *****

The End of the World...

...is not today.

Damn. I feel betrayed. Was hoping today would be adventurous, ‘a day in Narnia’ kind of a day. But it's just one more of those days(well nights actually), where I am destined to have fun with the tick-tuck-took sounds of me typing on the keyboard and the tick-tock sounds of the clock, as I make up the words to clear my thoughts.

 I was actually kind of depressed with all the things that weren’t happening in my life. The last week has been super depressing. I have had hit that saturation point where the conflict between the part of me wanting to give up and the other part of me with that tiny spot in the heart glowing as bright as the north star saying ‘not yet’ was intense. And as in any battle, the one with more courage won. So, not giving up on Plan A is still the priority at this point. J

I also happened to check my email today and found a response-email for a job that I had applied a couple of weeks ago. My hopes for this job were quite higggghh but it ended up being one of the many hundreds of jobs I have had applied so far, with no positive end result/feedback. I am not very upset but just a tiny weenie bit disappointed that this was the job for which my qualifications were a perfect match and yet I was rejected. 

Never mind, I will be more generous in applying for jobs from now on. 

P.S. 

When everything that is held dear is lost, there comes an end to the fear of losing and a victory for a new beginning. 

Cheers to new beginnings and Happy birthday me(considering it's just a couple of hours away in Australia)!  J

And she waited.............

I waited,

hoping for the bus to come on time,

A long journey it had been, few more miles to be go before being home,

I looked at the crowd around, tired and gloomy they all seemed,

maybe the comfort of home is what they dream of too, I told myself,

but standing out in  the crowd,

there was this one person I saw,

bright, vigilant, cheerful and beautiful she was,

There was a small group of people around her, 

friends/family/random strangers I guessed,

they all seemeed to be capitavted by the warm embrace her smile generoulsy seemed to give away, 

to which i wasn't immune,

There is something about her that's really queer, I told myself,

She seemed old but a young beautiful women she  was,

as age is to heart and not body,

When she spoke...she spoke with all her heart, eyes sparkling, a face glowing, a smile so attractive, 

swaying her hands and wriggling her fingers mesmerizingly,

she was just purely Enchanting if anything,

she seems like someone I know, I wondered.

In the bus,

I tired to sleep hoping to cut the long joureny home short,

and that was when I heard her speak right behind my seat sitting in the adjacent row,

An energy she seemed to give away with every word she spoke,

could be either the gleam in her eyes or the joy in her voice  or may be both,

but I just couldn't resist not looking back at her,

She is so much like some one I knew so well, I thought.  

The people around her were as happy as they could be,

laughing, talking aloud, some sang too...a happy ride it was,

it just din't seem to be a long boring bus ride anymore,

women & men, young & old, white & black & all the colors inbetween,

seemed to have made a deal to make it a journey-happy & warm,

she seemed like an angel acting  like a string tying the hearts of everyone she met,

to make the most beautiful garland of humanity so pure and true,

She is so much like some  one I knew, I felt.

when a place she said was home came,

a cheerful goodbye everyone said as she got down,

everyone in the bus sighed aloud and wished her happiness,

happiness that she seemed to carelessly give away to friends  known & unknown,

but there is somthing not right about her i thought,

because she was so much like some one I knew, so well. 

when she got down and got her stuff together,

I saw her look around with a smile that was fading,

seemed like she was in search of some one she knew would be there for her but wasn't,

she shivered in the freezing  cold trying to cover herself with a scarf that was inefficient,

everyone in the bus felt the pain of her fingers and face getting numb and cold to the harsh weather which was immune to charm of this princess of joy & warmth,

She laughed and said somthing aloud looking at he people in the bus,

what she said no one hear, but everyone waved her goodbye and smiled as long as they could see her, as the bus made the move,

She kep her face lit all this time with the smile that was not fading,

but as I looked at her eyes, i saw the sprakle lost, 

her hands seemed to suffer the pain of numbness not from the cold  weather but the coldness of someone's heart,

I saw her as long as I could as everyone in the bus got back to the joyful mood  she created,

this could have been the reason why,

no one but me saw the tears that felll down her cheeks as her smile faded again,

Oh Yeah, she is someone I know for sure I said aloud looking at the distant figure of her,

a woman I knew so well,

as she waited.

This picture belongs to the original story that inspired this kind of writing style!

P.S. 

1. Who ever she was..............I wish she found what she deserved by now and that she MOVED ON. 

2. This style of writting is inspired  by a story I ready 6-7 years ago. Grammatically wrong but expressively perfect. 

3. The fun of writing is when you consciously break all the grammatical rules. 

Quote: “. . .sometimes one feels freer speaking to a stranger than to people one knows. Why is that? 

“Probably because a stranger sees us the way we are, not as he wishes to think we are.” 

― Carlos Ruiz Zafón