Strawberry banana smoothie

1 spoon honey, half a glass of water, 2-3 spoons yogurt, 2-4 strawberries, 1 banana

Tastes sweet adn fruity!!

Green smoothie

A cup of baby spinach, two-three spoons of yogurt, frozen: couple of red grapes, one banana, one red apple and a glass of water.

Tastes applish banana....but not spinach at all!

Fruit juice

3 oranges, 1 red apple, 1 green apple, handful of blue berries, two-three handfuls of red grapes, a glass of water.

Tastes sweet and slightly sour.

Green juice

Green juice: two cups of baby spinach, one frozen banana, half cup of frozen pinapples, 3 spoons of yogurt, 2 cups of water, one spoon honey and one spoon of pine seeds. 

It tastes so good and nothing like spinach at all. 

This is how it feels to be a Trichster.

If you want to support someone with an OCD/whatever issue...first be aware of it. Just don't give random advices. It only hurts and doesn't help. 

Trichotillomania is no fun. But making others understand how it feels to be a trichster is hell.  

It's been nearly a decade since I have been dealing with trichotillomania. It took nearly an year before somebody could even diagnose that I had it. Ever since then I have been trying not only to understand how to deal with it but also on how to make others around me understand what I go through.

Some trichsters** would not mind talking about trich*, some do not want to talk about it at all. I consider myself to be someone who is open to talk about it. But if you want to ask me questions like:
Why do you pull your hair?
Why can't you stop pulling your hair?
Why is it so hard to not pull your hair?
How does it make you feel, when you pull your hair?


The only answer I have for all the above questions is... "I DO NOT KNOW." 

There is no treatment yet for trichotillomania. Research is ongoing and maybe someday they will figure out a solution. But till then, I need to TRY to find one on my own, just like the millions of trichsters out there. 

I am not 100% free from the symptoms of Trichotillomania, doesn't mean I am doing nothing about it. It doesn't mean I have accepted the fact that Trich is a life long disorder/whatever. It just means....I need time, I am going to work it at a pace I am comfortable at. 

You do not know how it feels to be aware of your actions that cause self harm. It feels horrible. And if you want to blame me for having trich....I HAVEN'T CHOSEN IT. 

I know you would want the best for me....so do I. But you need to understand....trichotillomania is a roller coaster ride. There are ups and downs. I feel more anxious than you each time I have a NO 'pull free day'. But you blaming me, doesn't help. It only hurts.

If you really want to help a trichster.....LEARN ABOUT IT. Just don't  give random advices/orders/suggestions on WHAT TO DO or WHAT NOT TO DO. If you would rather chose to WALK OUT FROM MY LIFE SAYING I AM CRAZY, you are welcome to do so.

Anybody could have trich. Just because I have it and struggle to deal with it every single minute, doesn't make me any less determined than you in making the best of life. 

TRICHOTILLOMANIA LEARNING CENTER  (<--click here)

For More Resources: Google search words like:  tricotillomania / trichster

Trich* = Short form of Trichotillomania
Trichster**= A person who has trichotillomania

PS: Super frustrated. I am tired of being blamed for something I can not change. 

I hate tragic stories

42

The movie ended. As the credits started to roll, few of the people in the audience rose to leave and few broke in applaud.

A movie that makes one feel good, needs to be appreciated and what better way than to applaud, I thought.

The Great Gatsby

The movie ended. As the credits started to roll, none of the audience rose. In fact none of them even moved their heads. There was no sound of applause to be heard either. Everyone was silent and still seemed to look at the rolling credits but I bet they were all lost in their own thoughts. A couple of minutes later, people rose to leave and yet no one applauded.

A movie that engrosses one can also be appreciated in silence. A silence that echoes much louder than an applause, a sincere appreciation I realized.

*****

I hate tragic stories. Well, actually I do not hate them I just fear them.

Each time I begin reading a novel or a story, I read the first few pages and then stop and read the last few pages before continuing. It's always nice to keep the plot a mystery but then I do not want to fall in love with the idea of something to happen and then realize it doesn't. Unmet expectations gives tiny scratches to my heart and I prefer to avoid them (quite understandable, right?).

Tragic stories makes one feel sad. I never did understand why any writer would want to write a story that is so full of hope and yet ends in a tragedy.Why create an infinite amount of possibilities for a happy ever after but then end it all hopelessly?

But today, I realized something. I think most of us no matter how much we might pretend to disagree....we all want to be sad.
Being sad gives us the hope to expect for better times and the courage to expect a change.
Where as being happy makes us feel insecure of losing good times and fear change.

Maybe this is why tragic stories were and are written. The unhappy ending is just a hope for a new beginning. And the nicest thing about hope is that it lasts longer than happiness and gives the courage to face unexpected changes in life.

Ps:
There is more hope than one expects in an hopeless situation.

Happiness is overrated.

I think, each time I use the word 'hate' I actually mean to say 'fear'.

*****

hopeless dreamer, cheesy one liners and other things

*****

If you have already read my previous post, 'mornings and mournings' you might have guessed by now that I was not selected in the interview I attended a couple of weeks ago. I did feel disappointed, but frankly the disappointment did not last as long as I thought it would. I actually gave my best in the interview and maybe that's the reason I do not feel sad for not being selected. If I had not given my best, then the guilty feeling of,'I could have done better but I did not' would have haunted me for a longer time. Well, whatever.....the bottom line is: I am back to square one...left with a blank paper....to start over ...and I am absolutely tired of this wild goose chase. 
But life taught me first hand that persistence wins, sooner or later. Actually, Bryan did. His so called 'boot camp', prepared me for more than what he imagined I guess. Now, I just feel too stubborn to give up on a dream. If I was not me, and I was a third person looking at my own life...I would never suggest to give up trying. So, I need to follow the same advice for myself, isn't it? 
Anyways, there is no way I will give up trying, when I know deep in my heart that I would only regret for doing so in the future. I just need to pursue this wild goose chase with hopes that every dream comes true, if one tries hard enough. 

*****

Doodlebook app that I downloaded for free in my Iphone has been my new addiction these days. Not that I am a good artist or anything....but somehow doodling seems to be relaxing. I drew the following doodle yesterday. It is supposed to be a rat flirting with cheese. But there can be various versions to this little stupid doodle, like:

A fish like you is every fisherman's dream.
A ham like you is every hamburger's dream.
A house like you is every homeless person's dream.
A job like you is every unemployed person's dream.
A colour like you is every colour pencil's dream.
blah blah....not that funny right....But a Cheesy one liner it is...since it's literally based on cheese. ;~)

*****

I need to do laundry. The interesting thing about doing laundry is absolutely NOTHING. Nothing in the world depresses me more than the task of doing laundry. :~( Also, it's been more than 24 hours since I slept....So having to do laundry when I am actually feeling like a ZOMBIE....ha.....life's little unwanted pains pleasures.
But seriously, if god grants me a wish and asks me to choose between a) A dress that turns into a new dress each time I wash or b) A dress that remains the same and fresh through out my life time, without wahsing...my choice would be b b b b b b and only b. 

                                                                             *****